Testing, testing

An Old Self (Sunday thought)

I spent half the day today getting back in touch with the way I felt when I was at my most inspired, my most determined throughout 2022. I didn’t really plan on it; some of the feelings started swelling up as I was going about my day (I’m sure a conversation I had yesterday had something to do with it) until I had to sit down on a bench for a few hours and reconcile these thoughts with myself, sorting through them like some secretary organizing documents in a filing cabinet.

The thoughts were mostly around how belief is the fountain from which all action flows, yet action is what creates belief in the first place. We go to church and therefore we believe, and because we believe, we go to church. It’s good to remind ourselves that this is the fundamental weave from which our days unfold. The ultimate creative act is choosing or putting ourselves through actions that create the beliefs we want to have about ourselves and the world around us. And loss of inspiration or drive is not loss of creative spark, but loss of confidence in one’s ability to even identify those actions…which is why besides the doing, thinking about what to do, talking about what to do, matters.

The more I speak with artists about their work, the more I start to revive the internal experience and emotions and sensitivity I used to access through photography. When this feeling broke the surface today, it felt like a whole dimension and way of being that I had put in the closet, delicately taking it out and trying it on for size. I wandered around in this feeling for a bit, a bit unsure, skeptical of trusting it too soon…might need a bit of tailoring, dusting off, but I’m pretty sure it still fits.

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Creation vs. Consumption (Tuesday thought)

On the matter of artistic creation vs. consumption, these two necessitate each other - but instead of thinking of them as opposites, we can think of them as two ends of a gradient.

When we stand on the consumption end, we trust others to do the creating for us; we satiate our feelings by experiencing vicariously through their work. We need this input, but we should be careful to not overdo it without visits to the other end of the spectrum, because it may be easy to consume so vicariously we feel we've created something ourselves. Consumption is self education.

When we stand on the creation end, we need to be self-centered in a way that motivates us to think we have something to share with the world, even if the external world never sees the work itself. We need to think we have something worthwhile to express in some way, and this almost always requires at least an inkling of healthy (or unhealthy) self obsession. Creation is self preservation.

My way of existing on this gradient is by leaning towards the creation end - maybe a 65 on the scale of 100 - with small visits towards the consumption end on a regular basis, but never fully immersing myself in just consuming. Once in a while, I'll pay a more intense visit to consumption - like spending a whole day in a museum and going down a rabbit hole researching the lives of the artists I encountered, so that I can “consume” their ways of thinking - but this in itself usually sends me speedily and excitedly walking back towards the other end.

This becomes a creative exercise in itself, observing our Consumption > Creation balance like a loose diet - we don't have to be strict about it, but some light intentionality can go a long way in keeping our creative selves fit and capable.

courtesy of arani and terrible whatsapp image quality